True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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