he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
