break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
