Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
