My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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