is your mom at the bar?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
