...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize