If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
