remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
the day after is always just damage control
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
