i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
