So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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