Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
