i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
