During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize