I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
