i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
