Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
