Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
