i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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