I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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