Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
