Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
