you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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