More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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