So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize