I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
