girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
