Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
