I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
