why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
