I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
