I wish I could punch you in the face.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My penis needs a shock collar
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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