youre lurking in front of me
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
