____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
