nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Help. Why am I so naked?
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