And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
ok first of all what the fuck
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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