Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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