I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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