the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
