Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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