Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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