he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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