I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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