Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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