I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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