i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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