When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
