Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
