he told me I talked like a deaf person
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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