All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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