I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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