She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
