now i know why i became what i already was.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
