this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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