Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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