Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
