Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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