dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
