She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
