We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
