I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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