yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
