I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
