S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
