Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
