I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
