Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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