Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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