cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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