yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
