Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
