Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
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