dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize