yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize