Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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