Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
