I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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