Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
