bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
