awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
