i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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