the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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