Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize