It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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