If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
