We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
