Are we in a gay sports bar?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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