it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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