Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
